seasideinside.seeside.seeinside.

today I should have gone
to the sea.

and instead their bones
could have been wet sand
I crushed in my hands
and sadness
crooked shells
washing up
onto land

waves. I waved. I gave
what the tide takes inside of me

today I should have been
at the sea.

burns

lips burn from a cigarette
which burns like a love
which burns like internal embers
somewhere in the fiery red
that sounds like an engine
roaring through the streets
a crazy animal
with wild salty eyes that say
enough, enough

Like a peppermint..

Gee, but it's hard when one lowers one's guard to the vultures
Me, I regard it a tortuous hardship that smolders
Like a peppermint eaten away
Will I fight, will I swagger or sway?

I will fight, with a rock'n'roll swagger
holler like Jagger
cut like a dagger
and sway
the masses.

My only struggle with blogging

is this expectation of
explaining and summing

everything up in a white square

How can I explain when I see

the world so differently

when there are just so many things

to talk and feel about and share

on this early morning

my mind is a carousel

a spinning wheel

it is the girl with asthma

who still ran faster than all the boys

faster and faster

but is it ever enough

let them be ashamed and confounded

that desire my soul

let them be turned backward

and put to confusion

that desire my hurt.

These November Days

*Disclaimer:
(This was written back in November
cyberspace tried to steal it from me
but I won! muhahaha
Here is its return.)

Wow.

These last few days seem to have vanished
in a flurry of tofurkey feathers!
I'm looking forward to December
Looking at pretty Christmas lights
And especially
spending the holiday season
With those I love

Thanksgiving was nice
Our third vegetarian one
It was just us
(mi madre, Eileen, animals)
I helped cook the food
And made the dessert myself (woo hoo!)
My favorite part was that
at the beginning of the year
we started writing
things we are thankful for
on slips of paper
and put them in a jar
we read them aloud after our meal
it was beautiful

What I am most thankful for
Is Tyler Anthony Amphlett
He is a person
I had always hoped existed
Somewhere out in the world
And I would have the joy of spending time with
but sometimes I doubted such a person
could be true
until
I started talking with him.

Sitting around the table with my family
And wonderful food
I felt a warmth spread over me
And a smile
Thinking of all these things
And how truly happy
Talking and being with Tyler makes me
and how amazing he is.

I just know
that December
will be magical.

A Little Blues Before Bed

Before I succumb to slumber
I let the blue flames of electric guitars and whiskey words
Lick me wet with their spiraling spooky solos and teeth against the strings.

Get me ready for the sandman, Jimi.
Let me swim in Muddy Waters.
Let me play along The Black Keys
Before the Thrill is Gone.

I let these blues chase away my blues.

I drift in this psychedelic ocean, these twelve bars, bent and blue.
I crash and strum and pluck until I glissando into blankets.

You're a savior in orange, Jimi.
I'll give you a thousand smiles
For free
If only
You'll play like it's 1970
Play once more

For me.

A Very Versatile Valentine's Day!

The morning started off wrong.
After I ate a breakfast of previously received Dove chocolates, my family (which consists of my twin sister Eileen and our mother) promptly delved into a heated dispute which lasted more than four hours and of course, had no relevancy whatsoever to the holiday we were supposed to be celebrating!

We retreated to our individuals bedrooms in angry huffs, only to emerge a little later having calmed down and ready to celebrate.
So, how did we three single women celebrate?
Well, first we dressed as warmly and fashionable as possible. I wore dark dramatic make-up (complete with festive red lip gloss), and my black boots. Then we headed out to My Big Fat Greek Restaurant, where we dined on affordable appetizers and waited for our movie of choice to start playing at the adjacent AMC Theater.
The movie of choice? Doubt, directed by John Patrick Shanley, which I'd been itching to see since the trailer was released last year. My mother and sister saw it last week, and have been eagerly waiting for me to have spare time to see it also (I've been busy rehearsing for my school's newest theatre production and the dance recital).
Reasons why you should see Doubt:

Reason #1: It stars Meryl Streep.

Reason #2: It stars Meryl Streep.

Another reason to see Doubt is because it is one of the best recently made movies I've seen in a long time! The acting, direction, script, and score is just top-notch and nothing short than a work of well-executed, raw brilliance! From the start of the movie, I was fully enthralled and in my full film-analyzing mode. My arms were a constant tidal wave of goosebumps, my jaw either set in concentration or agape in reverent awe, and my hand permanently paused over the popcorn (which is saying something, 'cause that theatre popcorn is the BOMB!).

Doubt somehow combines and tackles multiple hot-button themes, such as church/organized religion vs. God, doubt vs. faith/certainty, man vs. woman (sexism), black vs. white (regarding views and race), old vs. new, and sexuality.

The film treats the audience with respect, allowing multiple interpretations and conclusions making it a rare, universal film. The ending in particular raises heated, strong debates. The only other films that I feel have this same multi-interpretation aspect are Donnie Darko and Mulholland Drive.

As soon as the film ended, my festive, dramatic make-up was streaked with tears, and I sat glued in my seat, a million thoughts rushing through my mind. Even when we ladies hit the restroom, we couldn't help standing around to excitedly chatter our opinions.
Eileen and I quickly purchased some Sour Drops that we thoughtfully devoured during the car ride home.

As someone who was born and raised in the Catholic religion (indeed, I myself was an altar server for years!), I have a special affinity with Doubt's themes. I am glad that it tackles the issue of priests being accused of sexual abuse, but in a whole new fresh, intelligent way.
I like that the multiple views of Doubt's characters show that the Catholic religion itself is not to be represented by this occurence, as there are some in the religion, like Sister Aloysius, who have a strong sense of justice and do not condone those actions.

Speaking of Sister Aloysius, the multi-layered and fascinating character played by Meryl Streep; she specifically symbolizes the fact that everyone questions their faith, and will always do so; it is human nature (at least, intelligent human nature which learns and creates belief systems through questions). Aloysius questions her belief in God vs. her belief in the Catholic Church itself, which she as a strict nun has spent years serving both.
Look, corruption occurs in every organized religion; for they consist of flawed people.
The Catholic Church is just one of the few that takes responsibility for it.

After the film, as we were debating in the bathroom, I was confronted by a group of kids from my school. When we told them which film we saw, one asked "So, do you think that the priest did it?" To which my sister wryly replied, "It's not that kind of movie."
That statement best describes Doubt; it is not a who's dunnit popcorn film.
It is a highly intelligent, provocative story that will have you questioning everything.
It is everything I believe a good film should be.

I highly recommend this movie, and if you have seen it already, please send me your thoughts/reviews!

Doubt Movie Wikipedia